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| good afternoon world.
i remember in the good old days when what was important in a blog were titles and the current things you were doing/feeling/...i don't know other current stuff ya know.
this post is dedicated to those days (if you know what i mean)
weather: sweltering again.
mood: bored.
music: none
colour of shirt i am wearing: white
colour of shorts i am wearing: black
colour of under....hahahahah jokes.
that's all i can think of at the moment.
O! &
what's on my mind: do i have a brain tumour? i keep getting headaches and keep saying this other random word instead of 'tomatoes' even after correcting myself. ohno. crap.
interesting story:
the other day huby was sitting at the window and some girls from church/aaron were around. huby threatened to jump (my windows happen to be human height sized and... no grills or protective layering because that would block the seaview) anyway. he threatened to jump.
i, very intelligently, decided it would be a smart idea to hit him with a pillow. after several attempts at trying to throw him back (i don't know why i did that, please don't ask me. i might potentially have a brain tumour) and he suddenly lost his balance and i think... that was one of the few times i was scared for someone's life. 
he decided to laugh and mock me whilst i burst into sobs - which he thought was laughter... because apparently i laugh like i'm sobbing... ANYWAY IT WASN'T FUNNY - i had to post this because i know he is dying to tell people that he scared my soul out of me.
huby -1 , rachel - 0.
don't worry. i will get you next time.
anywayyyyyyyZ0rs i am going to play the sims.
p.s.
my iconized desktop. veryveryverycute. (i.e. i will get sick of it in a month's time)
k fine. here's a photo of me being bored. you already saw this coming anyway.
toodles my lovelies
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| goooood evening folks.
prime time to update. the weather is sweltering, unbearable. huby's mini fan (originally a heater but he informed me it is actually able to produce cool air) is barely keeping me alive. GAH!
despite being unbearably hot, i am quite grateful it's not winter : )
confessionZ time:
i went bonkers online shopping. i think i will resume going crazy later after i rant.
it's okay - i will somehow afford it. somehow.
i have a 50% test on friday (exam... i don't know why they tell me it's a test... maybe it's psychologically affecting me...damn philosophy101. wait. are psychology and philosophy even interrelated? o_0)
and i tried studying today and failed VERY miserably.
i miss my family
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
it sucks being home alone. no you cannot hold a house party at mine because...
well you all remember what happened last time.....
++++++++ i hate it when you're alone at home & there are no sounds except your breathing.. and the house creaking.
fun fact: did you know sounds are retained in the walls of a building and can be somehow sucked out and played back? yes... my pastor has many knowledge that i'd like to have.
also, i've been watching too many dramas. my life is seemingly becoming boring now. this is getting slightly serious.. hmm. tomorrow i will do something excite and post.
which brings me to my very very long rant, please go away now if you're only interested in stalking me because i am cool & not because i am really just a crazy girl with crazy thoughts.
before i start/end. photos. all self explanatory.
HEHHEHEHHE everyone's bands had my name in it : P
thank you lucy&niki&simone <3 feels like i went shopping in HK/Korea but without the experience of flying ...and the actual holiday TT
/START RANT
i always reach a point where i become so sick of my lifestyle, i make up an ideal situation in my head where i do all the right things, and somehow stay committed & live that awesome routine day in day out. somehow, that ideal situation fades away as the days pass by...
i've been reading a few articles/blogs on setting goals.
this is obviously not a brand new concept. in fact, goal setting is implemented from the very beginning of when you are able to even make decisions which have even a slight impact on your life - in my case, 11 yrs old; intermediate.
point is.
i set goals. ideals. but somehow never stick to it.
like... i'm not sticky enough or something... i think the bulk of my problem with sticking (i.e. sticky problem .. .. hehehe sticky problem get it ? ) is laziness. which conveniently is one of the seven deadly sins. great. now i have another problem.
GAH ! -sulkS
point IS.
i am going to set goals.
i am going to sit down. write them down. hide them away so no one can see them, so i don't get ridiculed - more importantly these goals are slightly closer to the heart and well...sittingwishing is a persona i hate to taint more than i already have...
anyway. sit down, write, hide & when i am able to complete them. i will post them up on here 
well, isn't that a superb incentive?
at this stage in my blog i doubt anyone really cares about my goal setting dreams... or my steps to attain them... that's okay. but this is important to me and so i will tag it as 'goal setting'.
i think we should all goal set. if we all haven't already done so...
somehow i feel like i'm the only one with no short term, medium term or long term goals.... argh. this is dangerous. i think i should sleep now.
/END RANT
goodnight world
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| hello world 
i'm brown.. very brown
mmm chocolate .
i've been up to jack all. summer is very excitingz.
just came back from parachute this mondAE. mondAE. haha i very dislikingz it when people spell "ay" as "ae" WHY?!
aanyway, i didn't have a camera this year because i broke my dad's nikon last year... and also i broke another nikon the year before. lameskis. i have badluck with digital cameras. but not my d70. my baby.
sidenote: kevin give it back to me. GIMME MY D70. trade for your d3000. k? :)
making my way to esley's now. baibai world.
p.s. i ordered new contacts EXCITINGz.
okok update later.
x
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| dreams.
i've always thought that dreams are a fragment of your imagination/thoughts RIGHT before you sleep. well that makes sense right? i'm sure psychologists will tell me otherwise, but this is my theory.
i had a strange dream last night... with my same insecurities, same vulnerabilities, same fear, same everything really.. but - just not reality.
i don't know why it has affected me this much but i can swear i wasn't thinking of any of it before i fell into slumber.
maybe it's because a new year is coming up & everything that happens, any slight change in familiarity, becomes an insecurity in my mind. thinking that God is punishing me because of the wrong things i've done, the promises i've broken... and whatnot.
in all contradiction, i am glad for this year though.
i've learnt many things. some things that i'm even afraid to post here lest i scare myself when i re-read this another time.
but future rachel, rachel in 2010 (or whatever year after 2009), you now know a little bit more about life because of the dramas this year has given you.
friends.
i am still unsure who i can call my true friend here in auckland.
it has always been a problem these 10 years coming. perhaps i am just weird and people just don't like me for the way that i am.
further digression:
i hate it when there is a problem and no one bothers to deal with it. and just moves on hoping the other would forget about it and then act like nothing happened.
it's so fake. i hate it.
if you're reading this and it occurs to you that there may be some unfinished business between me & you then please take the initiative - i'm usually the one to apologise but i don't apologise for something that you did wrong. well, if you don't approach me then i guess you definitely don't treasure our friendship or you are simply too proud to admit that you are wrong - in that case i will not treasure our friendship.
but in a completely different light:
thank you for the ones who have stuck around. who have understood me for my flaws, imperfections whatever. and who have brought out my strengths. i am grateful and i don't have to name any of you because you know who you are. i am always thankful. always grateful. always loving you all :)
relationship.
i am glad.
for this year.
that things finally go right for once.
i am amazingly lucky in love for once.
thank you  and perhaps thank you may not be enough but you've changed my unlucky streak. perhaps third time is lucky afterall.
family.
same old. same old. dysfunctional as usual. i hardly talk about my family unless i've fought with my mum. or my brothers. my family is always comforting. despite the racket that goes on, it is comforting when you've had an impossibly miserable day and your bf and friends have failed you incessantly and you come home to a crazy family who accepts all your imperfections (most of the time) and despite everything that is going on, i have a loving family.
that was weird. i think a once a year thing will do.. .maybe once in 5 years...
God.
why i put God last.
because the last will always emerge as the first. yes. but also because this encompasses everything above.
i have failed many times this year. discouraged and struck down. i always come back to God but i'm sure this isn't the way things should be working.
i guess this is more of a private matter between me and the big man.
but thank you. for the above you have given me. there is a certain path to take with everything and i hope i find that path. the right way this year. because somehow, i always seem to like taking the easy path hoping things will work out. maybe the difficult path will bring much more fruitful results.
okaaaay :)
so now that's over.
i hope everyone of you lovelies have a fantastic two oh one oh.
many new things to anticipate. many old things to dissipate. and many current things to embrace so they don't dissipate.
p.s look what i found yesterday!
ehehehhehehehhe excite.
muffin is his name.
x
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